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<!DOCTYPE html>
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<title>How to like people | Derek Sivers</title>
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<h1><a href="/" title="Derek Sivers">Derek Sivers</a></h1>
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<header>
<div class="blogparent"><a href="/blog">Articles</a>:</div>
<h1>How to like people</h1>
<small>2016-04-18</small>
</header>

<p>
	(part of <a href="/d1">the “do this” directives</a>)
</p>
<h3>1.
	Assume it’s their last day.
</h3><p>
	Everyone talks about living like it’s your last day on earth.
</p><p>
	Instead, to appreciate someone, live like it’s <a href="/book/PowerOfNo">their</a> last day on earth.
</p><p>
	Treat them accordingly.  Try to fulfill their dreams for the day.
</p><p>
	Really listen to them.  Learn from them.
</p>
<h3>2.
	Be who you’d be when alone.
</h3><p>
	You could live in a crowd, pleasing only others.
</p><p>
	You could live in solitude, pleasing only yourself.
</p><p>
	But ideally, when in a crowd, be the same person you’d be when alone.
</p>
<h3>3.
	Assume men and women are the same.
</h3><p>
	Men think women are so different from them.
</p><p>
	Women think men are so different from them.
</p><p>
	But the differences <a href="/mw">among</a> men and differences <a href="/mw">among</a> women are far greater than the differences between men and women.
</p><p>
	So <a href="/compensate">counteract</a> your tendency to exaggerate the differences.
</p><p>
	<a href="/book/Mindwise">Assume men and women are the same</a>.
</p>
<h3>4.
	Always make new friends.
</h3><p>
	As you grow and change, old friends and family will be unintentionally invested in maintaining you as you were before.
</p><p>
	Let go of people that don’t welcome and encourage your change.
</p>
<h3>5.
	Avoid harming the relationship.
</h3><p>
	For long-term relationship success, it’s more effective than seeking the positive.
</p><p>
	A friendship that may take years to develop can be ruined by a single action.
</p>
<h3>6.
	Act calm and kind.
</h3><p>
	Regardless of how you feel.
</p>
<h3>7.
	Don’t try to change them.
</h3><p>
	... unless they asked you to.
</p><p>
	Don’t teach a lesson.
</p><p>
	Stop trying to change people who don’t think they have a problem.
</p>
<h3>8.
	Find wisdom in your opponents.
</h3><p>
	Really engage those who think <a href="/book/Mindwise">opposite</a> of you.
</p><p>
	You already know the ideas common on your own side.
</p>
<h3>9.
	Purge the vampires.
</h3><p>
	Get <a href="/book/PowerOfNo">rid</a> of people that drain you, that don’t make you feel good about yourself.
</p><p>
	They make you hate all people.
</p>
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