Battle Scars

by Ghost Girl

Feb 1, 2019 2 min read

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These walls

Feel like a prison

This box I hide myself in

It’s collapsing

And I can’t find the door to get out

The room is filled with invisible doubts

Fears and emotions that I only know one way

To get them to stop screaming at me

I am not proud of it

I am downright terrified

The people I call friends

Help me so much

But I still worry that

One day they will hate me as much as I do

I don’t eat and nothing is easy anymore

Living every day is a pain

But I do it and to me

I am stronger than any girl of steel could ever be

My life has changed

My field of daisies and flowers

Has died and I just can’t do it

Live every day like nothing is wrong

When everything is wrong

When the walls of society don’t exist anymore

And I just float in that black void

Between belonging and popularity

The one candle that lit that dark void

Is gone, snuffed out like it was nothing

And in this dark void is a tempting offer

Like the devil is asking me to sell my soul

But then the demon raging in my head fades

And that one part of me that is still human

Wonders why would I put the people I love through this

But then the demon takes hold once again

And tells me that no one loves me

Over and Over day after day

And to be honest

He’s right and sure

You just think I am crazy and ranting

But to me this is the next best thing

This might not mean anything to you but

Five months, five months without a new scar

But without a new scar I realize that

The voices in my head get stronger

I can hardly stop my hands from shaking

And just like that my beautiful God given gift

Is torn away from me

But that doesn’t even come close to

The pain I feel 24/7

And as a reflex I have started calling

These marks of pain  my “battle scars”

What battle was I in you may ask

I have one answer for you

I am losing a war with myself

And I won that tiny trivial battle

But it doesn’t matter now

Because I hurt so much

And there is nothing

That anyone can

Do about